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We've been close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome many hardships, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly blindsided by others. Her husband left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her social circle vanished at that point, because they seemed drawn to her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Over the years, several of her friends have drifted apart leaving her sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel my role between us feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been planning a vacation abroad I know well on several occasions even called home for some time. I tried to provide advice, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her choices. I've just returned from four weeks there and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of her actions on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell how this makes you feel. There should be no argument on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. The third step is to question ways you together will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject your concerns, since certain individuals have a self-protecting mindset: they have a story of their life they're unable to abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react defensively before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach an agreement, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.